I’m not sure if this is a pissing contest but I’m making it one!
Ah, Minnesota, land of 10,000 lakes, passive-aggressive politeness, and two grand events that draw hordes of locals like a Nordic siren song: the State Fair and the Renaissance Festival. The State Fair is a big deal in Minnesota, not sure if other states go as insane about it.
Both of these events have their charm, but if you’ve ever found yourself wondering why you’re elbowing your way through an ocean of humanity at the State Fair, here’s a little secret: the Minnesota Renaissance Festival is infinitely better—and here’s why.
1. Lighter Crowds: Because Breathing is Important
Let’s be honest: the State Fair is like the Super Bowl of Midwestern gluttony. Sure, it’s fun until you’re trying to inhale oxygen between deep-fried everything, strollers the size of minivans, and the smell of sweaty livestock. At the Renaissance Festival, the crowd size is just right. You can actually walk without performing intricate dance moves to avoid bumping into people or, worse, getting corn dog grease on your shirt. Bonus: You might not need to bring out your inner linebacker just to navigate the cheese curd line.
2. Happy People: Smiles Without the Side of Heat Stroke
You know that glazed-over look of despair that people wear at the State Fair after a few hours? Yeah, that’s not a Renaissance Festival vibe. Instead, you’ll find people who are actually enjoying themselves, soaking up the playful, whimsical atmosphere without needing to wipe off beads of sweat every three seconds. It’s amazing what a little medieval cosplay and mead can do to lift the spirits. Politeness? Oh, absolutely. At the Ren Fest, a person in full chainmail armor might bump into you, apologize profusely, and then offer to joust anyone who offended you. Good luck getting that level of courtesy from a sunburned guy holding a footlong Pronto Pup.
3. People Watching: Where Else Can You Spot a Pirate Discussing Football with a Knight?
The State Fair has its fair share of fascinating characters—like um, local tv personalities, radio personalities, and um, can’t think of much else—but it’s got nothing on the Renaissance Festival. Where else can you witness a group of fully grown adults in elaborate costumes passionately debating the merits of sword fighting, magic spells, and 15th-century tavern etiquette? Ren Fest is like the State Fair’s quirky, eccentric cousin who tells you to chill out and embrace your inner wench or wizard. Plus, it’s hard not to be entertained by watching someone gracefully navigate a turkey leg while wearing a corset.
4. Accessible and Fun Performances: No Ticketmaster Trauma Here
State Fair entertainment is usually a big draw… if you’re into fighting for a spot at a concert where you’re so far from the stage that the band might as well be performing in a different time zone. At the Renaissance Festival, performances happen all around you—often without requiring you to camp out for hours or sell a kidney for a front-row seat. And instead of a jumbotron, you get actual human beings doing ridiculous things like fire juggling, sword swallowing, or cracking terrible puns. It’s interactive, it’s silly, and it’s right there in front of you, no binoculars required.
5. The Food and Drink Situation: Ok, You Got Me Here
Alright, I’ll concede that when it comes to food, the State Fair has the upper hand. It’s hard to compete with the mind-boggling array of fried concoctions on sticks, the Sweet Martha’s cookies you can’t help but overdose on, or the sheer volume of things to eat that you didn’t even know could be food. The Ren Fest offers a solid selection of hearty meats and ales, but let’s be real—there’s not as many options and the options are super great. And the lines for alcohol? Bring a book, because they can be a test of your medieval patience.
In summary, the Minnesota Renaissance Festival is where it’s at if you enjoy breathing room, genuinely happy humans, unparalleled people-watching, and performances that are more up-close-and-personal than a mosh pit at a concert. Sure, you might miss out on some of the State Fair’s food, but is it worth trading that for hours of heat-induced misery and elbow-to-elbow chaos? I think not. So grab your goblet, tighten your corset, and enjoy the Ren Fest—where the merriment flows freely and no one’s going to ask you to walk a mile for a giant bucket of cookies.
