So apparently I got booked for an interview. Not by The New York Times, not by Rolling Stone, but by a Gen Z kid who refers to everything as either “mid” or “iconic” with zero middle ground. Here’s how it went.
Gen Z Kid: Okay, first off… what do you do?
Me: Great question. I ask myself that every morning. Officially, I’m a Director of Brand and Creative. Unofficially, I make PowerPoints look better and argue about fonts like it’s a moral issue.
Gen Z Kid: Fonts? Like… Arial?
Me: Don’t you dare. Arial is what happens when you give up on life. We’re a Helvetica household.
Gen Z Kid: Are you famous?
Me: Only to a very niche audience of Cub Scouts, coworkers, and one guy on LinkedIn who aggressively likes everything I post.
Gen Z Kid: What’s LinkedIn?
Me: It’s Facebook but everyone pretends they love their job and writes inspirational posts about “crushing Mondays.”
Gen Z Kid: That sounds fake.
Me: Oh, it’s deeply fake.
Gen Z Kid: What do you do for fun?
Me: I write blog posts, watch movies, listen to music, go camping, hiking, hang with my family. The usual.
Gen Z Kid: Movies? Like old ones?
Me: I swear if you call Forrest Gump old, I’m ending this interview.
Gen Z Kid: I’ve seen clips on TikTok.
Me: Of course you have. Did Lt. Dan at least get his legs back in the algorithm?
Gen Z Kid: I think so? Anyway—what kind of music do you like?
Me: Rock, punk, alternative, some old-school rap. Stuff with guitars, emotion, and occasionally yelling.
Gen Z Kid: So no vibes?
Me: Oh, there are vibes. They’re just louder and slightly more emotionally unstable.
Gen Z Kid: What’s your hot take today?
Me: Crocs are a cry for help.
Gen Z Kid: That’s toxic.
Me: I stand by it. If your shoes look like Swiss cheese, we need to talk.
Gen Z Kid: What’s something you don’t understand about Gen Z?
Me: How the only “content” you consume that’s longer than 10 seconds is someone playing a video game for hours.
Gen Z Kid: Attention spans are different now.
Me: I once watched a 3-hour movie with commercials on cable and survived. You’ll be okay.
Gen Z Kid: Ew, commercials? Okay but really what’s your top life advice?
Me: Speak up when something’s wrong. Be kind, but don’t be a pushover. And never microwave dollar store hot dogs unless you’re emotionally prepared for sparks and chaos.
Gen Z Kid: What about hot dogs now?
Me: You’re not ready for that story.
Gen Z Kid: Last question: are you happy?
Me: Yeah. Tired, occasionally confused, mildly annoyed by modern slang—but happy. Got a family, a career, a sense of humor. Could use a nap, but who couldn’t?
Gen Z Kid: Ok, you kinda passed the vibe check.
Me: I don’t know what that means, but I’m choosing to take it as a win.
And that concludes my interview with the future. I think it went well. Nobody called me “cringe,” which I’m pretty sure is their version of a five-star review.