Dear Target,
I’m genuinely starting to forget why I ever liked you more than Wal-Mart. Seriously, what was it? The red aesthetic? The slightly less depressing lighting? The fact that your employees used to at least pretend to care? Lately, you’re making Wal-Mart look like a well-oiled machine run by angels with blue vests.
My number one rage trigger? This asinine decision to stock shelves all day long while we’re shopping. Who thought this was a good idea? Not only are your stockers completely clogging up the aisles like human roadblocks, but they act like I’m the asshole for daring to shop in their precious workspace. Excuse me for trying to grab a bag of Goldfish crackers without interrupting your three-cart game of Tetris in the cracker aisle. You work here, buddy, not the other way around.
Target used to be an experience. I’d come in for toothpaste and leave three hours later with a new bath mat, some overpriced candles, and a Blu-Ray of Men In Black 2 I didn’t even know I needed. It was magical. Managers used to patrol the checkouts like hawks, barking orders into their walkie-talkies to open more lanes if even one person dared stand in line. Now? There are two cashiers total, each scanning like they’re moving through molasses, while the line snakes back to the luggage section. Oh, but wait! There’s self-checkout. Except you didn’t have the spine to put a “10 items or less” rule in place, so now I’m stuck behind someone’s great-grandmother checking out 74 cans of creamed corn one…beep…at…a…time.
And the rest of the store? Don’t even get me started. Your once-charming chaos has turned into full-blown dysfunction. I’m dodging abandoned carts, tripping over those oversized red balls outside, and now even your Starbucks is betraying me with lines longer than an Avatar sequel premiere.
Amazon’s over here letting me shop for Chef Boyardee in my pajamas without some stocker huffing and puffing because I’m blocking their forklift. Step it up, Target. You’re losing your edge faster than my patience.
P.S. My cats are upstairs losing their damn minds, so I need to go deal with whatever feline emergency is unfolding. But don’t think we’re done here.
Sincerely, A Once-Loyal Customer Who’s About to Start Shopping for groceries at fucking Home Depot, where the employees run and hide when they see you coming instead of being in your damn way.
