Let’s talk about Back to the Future, shall we? Oh, you mean that 1985 classic everyone loves to gush over? Yeah, I’ve got some things to say about it. Strap in, because I’m about to get harsh.
First off, Doc Brown. A “brilliant” scientist who can invent time travel but can’t manage to pay his electricity bill? Priorities, Doc. And don’t get me started on his partnership with Marty. What kind of grown man hangs out with a teenager he has no relation to and convinces him to risk being erased from existence? Sounds healthy.
Then there’s Marty McFly, our hero. He plays the guitar, skateboards, and is somehow too cool to have real problems. Except for maybe his family, who, let’s face it, could be the poster children for dysfunction. Oh, and speaking of dysfunction, Marty’s mom has the hots for him when he travels back to 1955. A+ parenting, Lorraine. You see your future son and think, “Yeah, I’d date that guy.” Totally not weird. Also what a hypocrite, that lady. A total horndog back in the 50s and, ahem, a bit of a smokeshow, then lets herself go and expects everyone to be better than her.
And let’s not ignore the science here—or lack thereof. A DeLorean as a time machine? Sure, because when I think “reliable vehicle,” I think of a car famous for doors that don’t always open. And 1.21 gigawatts? Who measured that, and why? Also, plutonium theft from Libyan terrorists? Perfectly logical plot point. And, I mean, this is more of a Part II issue but if you left 1985 for the future, wouldn’t you just see the future without you in it? You know…because you left?
The film’s big climax involves lightning, a clock tower, and some questionable rope physics. It’s basically one giant Rube Goldberg machine of improbability. But hey, as long as it all works out in the end, right?
And here’s the kicker: it does. The McFlys’ lives are magically perfect because Marty played a Chuck Berry song and George punched Biff. Who knew fixing generational trauma was as easy as a Johnny B. Goode solo? Thanks, Spielberg and Zemeckis, for teaching us that our mental health issues are really that easy to fix.
But you know what? Here’s the truth I’ve been hiding: I fucking love this movie. I love the whole trilogy. People rag on Part II like it’s the black sheep, but I love it just as much as the other two. Watching it when it was brand new as a kid gave such a sense of wonder. People who watch it now probably don’t get that. I just absolutely love every insane, ridiculous, plot-hole-riddled minute of it. The characters? Iconic. The music? Timeless. The DeLorean? Cooler than it has any right to be.
Back to the Future isn’t just my favorite movie and trilogy of all time; it’s my happy place, my comfort film, my cinematic soulmate. I’ve watched it a hundred times, and I’ll watch it a hundred more. So yeah, I might nitpick and roll my eyes at its quirks, but let’s be real: I wouldn’t change a single thing. Except maybe add more Elisabeth Shue…
That’s the Jennifer from Part II and III, not whoever played her in Part I. Whoever she was, she was apparently too good for the best movie of all time.
But hey, nobody’s perfect. Except these movies. Never re-make them. At least make sure I’m dead first.
By the way, if you were looking for some payoff from that ragebait headline… the only thing overrated about this movie are the Huey Lewis songs. Now those haven’t stood the test of time at all.
You’ll see it as a 99% rating on top of my list here:
